This is NOT a Beauty Tutorial.

I won’t film myself. Nope. Not happening. My Brooklyn accent can be grating and who the frig wants to watch me?

I will take silly pictures with my iPhone of things I’ve managed to do to myself. Sometimes these things can be quite comical. For example…

THIS is how I looked after a wedding. I had a pompadour on purpose. That’s right- clips and hairspray and that thing grew like a Chia Pet. Moving on…

Last Saturday, I wrote about my beauty trip to Bloomingdale’s. I’m still coming down from the shopping high- that and the fact that I have joined eBay and have been scouring vintage bags. I scored some good ones.

Here’s the thing with Bloomingdale’s. I always feel I need to look nice to shop there. If not nice, I need to look chic. I find that so hard. For some reason, I just never feel chic. Eh. I managed to dig out white shorts and I wore a black top that I got at H&M. The new +size line is sick and I mean that in the best way possible. If I can’t up my game clothes-wise, then I do it with my face. (Like you didn’t know this was coming.)

I used a bunch of stuff I have and it was all either free or from my Birchbox. Except for my mascara. The humidity was awful and I needed to use Blinc.

Okay, so not everything here is free in theory. My Too-Faced shadows were from a Sephora 500 point perk. It actually didn’t cost me points because I had initially used those points in a store and then placed an online order right after. They didn’t catch up. Too bad. The fact that I even spent $500 in that store in a year is reason enough to give me the gift. The Ulta lipstain I bought and it is fantastic. It does not come off. Ever. The Eyeko eyeliner is in olive. I think it adds a nice element of surprise. I got that in my Birchbox. And if I need to state the obvious, my dining room table is messy. Don’t judge me.

Here is what I did…

I primed my face. (Duh.) Then I primed my lids and used the beige shadow on them. It was not shimmery. I wanted to even out my lid color. I am very sensitive about it. (Well, not really, but if you are this will work wonders.) Then I used the Eyeko liner and lined my top lid. I kind of wanted to do a cat-eye. Again, I can’t. I just can’t. It’s ridiculous. If you haven’t noticed, my right eyelashes are shorter than my left. Maybe it’s because that eye is more deep-set. I know most faces are assymetrical but come on. I always look like a Popeye with my right eye in a squint.

I then put on my lipstain and Blinc mascara. I must be channeling Elvis here with my sneer. And my lip looks crooked. I never noticed that! Crap.

This is the overall look. It’s not bad. I forgot to mention that I used that Smashbox powder-blush thing on my face. I love that stuff.

If you were wondering, I put Miss Jessie’s Pillow Soft Curls in my hair along with Quidad gel. It’s a great combo.

I hope this post made you feel better about yourself. We all pick ourselves apart sometimes.

Stay glossy!

*Oh! I just looked at my pictures again. My right eye looks bigger. What the heck? I look in a mirror and I swear the right eye looks more sunken. Ick.